Training Table

Tonight on the way home from daycare we drove by the Training Table restaurant.  Xavier asked what's that.  I told him it's the Training Table.  Amelia said Xavier it's where they train on tables, they train dancing on tables.

Fish

Amelia:  Mom if you eat fish do you have to eat their eye balls?
Me: No, you chop off it's head.
Amelia:  Oh good, I don't have to eat it's boogers either.

Where does my child get this stuff.

Whack-a-mole

We were watching TV when a commercial for whack-a-mole came on. Amelia says " I can't have that game I might whack Xavier in the head with it". At least she's honest...

Potty

We took the long way home from the fair.  By Kennecott Amelia stated she needed to go potty and couldn't wait until we got home.  I pulled over to the side of the road and took her into the bushes to go potty.  As she is going potty she tells me "Mom, I'm just like a cow peeing in the bushes"

Scarecrow

We went to Chick-fil-A for dinner on kids night.  They had the kids color a scarecrow. 

On the way home Amelia said, "Mom look at my scarecrow",
I said "Good job.  Do you know what scarecrows are used for?"
Amelia: "Mom did you know scarecrows are made out of dead humans and clothes no one wants?"
Me:  "Oh really?"
Amelia: "Yes, that's why they look like us"

Crickets

Amelia:  Grammie why do your crickets go crick, crick, crick?
Grammie: That's what crickets say, don't you have crickets at your house?
Amelia: Ya, but my crickets say chirp, chirp, chirp.

Can't always do what you want to do.

The kids were out in the back yard playing.  Michael was going to mow the lawn so they had to come inside.  Xavier was very upset about having to come inside.  Amelia told him "It's okay Xavier.  Sometimes you just don't get to do what you want to do.  But it will all be okay"

I'm 4

Xavier got a hold of Amelia's drink and spilled it in the T.V. room.  Michael went down to clean it up and Xavier still had Amelia's cup and was spilling it on the floor.

Michael:  Amelia why didn't you take your drink away from Xavier?
Amelia: Dad I'm 4 what do you expect me to do?
Michael: Keep your drink away from Xavier.
Amelia: Well I'm 4 I can't take stuff from him.

Didn't you learn anything?

Amelia was being a pest at dinner. Michale told her to watch her drink so she didn't spill it. She responded "Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah." He then asked her "Didn't you learn anything today about listening?" She replied "No, I didn't go to school today.". I started laughing and Michael said I don't even know what to say to that.

This is for you

Tonight Michael comes down from putting Amelia to bed and hands me her princess crown and tells me Amelia said:

"Give this to Mommy.  Tell her it is from her honey and that he got it from Walmart in isle 10 right next to the lamps."

I honestly don't know where she comes up with this stuff.

Starts with...

Amelia:  Mommy what does Grammie start with?
Me: G
Amelia: No, Grammie starts with gram like gram cracker.  What does Nana start with?
Me: N
Amelia: No, Nana starts with Ba like banana.

My Bum Talks to Me

Michael:  Amelia do you need to go potty?
Amelia: No Daddy I'm just scratching my bum, because when I need to go pee or poo my bum talks to me.  I'm serious Daddy my bum talks to me. (yes, she was dead serious when telling him this)
Michael: Laughs uncontrollably.

What do you do with a scurvy princess?

Today Amelia was singing:

What do you do with a scurvy princess,
What do you do with a scurvy princess,
What do you do with a scurvy princess?

Make her go to the tower.

Rain

Amelia: Mommy do you know where rain comes from?
Me: Clouds
Amelia: Nope.  You take a big bucket and fill it to the top and then pour it over the ground and it makes a big storm.  The more water you can get in the bucket the bigger the storm.

Shake it

We were at Kohls shopping for our Easter outfits.  I was in the woman's section and right across from the woman's section is intimates.  Amelia walked across the isle and pulled a control slip off of the rack, holds it in front of herself and said "Mommy you know you want this so you can shake it shake it shake it".  While she is singing shake it shake it shake it, she is swinging her hips and the slip. 

Smarter than Daddy

Amelia: Daddy I'm smarter than you and I'm 4.  I'm very smart.  Just think how smart I will be when I'm 5 years old.
Michael: You are very smart, but Daddy is wise.
Amelia:  I will be wise when I get older too.

Hair

Amelia: Daddy tummy hair is gross
Michael: Really?
Amelia: Yup, so is hair on your face
Michael: Oh
Amelia: And hair on your back is gross. If you have hair there you're a monster.

If you don't eat

Amelia was with Grammie and told her "If you don't eat your batteries go dead, then your bones fall out and then you turn into plastic".

Sugar

Amelia was eating a sucker and asked Mommy is this sugar?  I told her yes it is sugar that has been melted and flavor added to it.  She then tells me Mommy did you know sugar goes to your feet because it can't stay in your tummy because it can't breathe.  It can only breathe in your feet.

Surprise

Amelia at the McDonalds drive-thru:

Mom did you know if you don't get a toy with your lunch your Mommy told them you were bad and you can't have a surprise.  But if you're good you get a surprise.

Bossy Pants

Me: Amelia do you want some blueberries?
Amelia: Yes
Me: Okay I'll go get them
Amelia: Now (I guess I didn't go fast enough)
Me: Okay Miss Bossy Pants I'll go get them
Amelia: I'm not Miss Bossy Pants, I'm not pants I'm a girl.

Cold

Tonight we went and bought frogurt. This was our conversation on the way home.

Amelia: This frogurt is really cold
Me: It's supposed to be cold, it's ice cream
Amelia: next time tell them to not put a lot of cold in it. I can't eat it when it's to cold.

Joke

Why do chickens sit on eggs?

Because they do not have chairs.

Date

We were at Olive Garden for dinner.
Amelia: We're on a date
Me: Oh, we're on a Mommy, Daddy, and kids date?
Amelia: No! we are supposed to talk about ourself and get to know eachother date.

I think she has watched too much Enchanted.

Flowers

We were walking through Target and Amelia found fabric flowers.  She wanted them so she picked two of them.  As we were walking through the store she says "Mommy with all of these flowers I look like I'm married."  I said, "Oh, really"  Amelia said "Yes, married people get lots of flowers"

Nonsense

Papa and Amelia were sitting on the bed counting rocks.  One fell off of the bed onto the floor.

Papa: You better pick that rock up off the floor.
Amelia:  I will later:
Papa: You better do it now so you don't forget.
Amelia:  That's nonsense! I dont' forget!

Frosting

At daycare today for Valentines day Amelia made cookies. She told Michael while he was getting her ready for bed "Daddy we made a cookie at dayschool. I put candycorns and frosting on it. Because the cookie had too much sugar and I was sick and sugar is not good for my sick tummy. I only ate the frosting."

Marriage

Amelia:  Mommy I'm going to marry brother when I grow up.
Me:  You can't marry your brother.
Amelia:  Not now, when we grow up.
Me:  You can't marry your brother when you grow up either.
Amelia:  Why not?
Me:  It's against the law.
Amelia:  Well then who will I marry when I grow up.
Me:  I don't know, you'll find out when you grow up.
Amelia:  Fine!

Turkey's

Amelia asked me "Mom why can't I fly like an eagle when I'm surrounded by turkeys?"  Boy, isn't that so true to life.

Babyzilla

When I walked down stairs yesterday the train track was wrecked.  When I went to pick Amelia up from daycare I asked her what happened to the train track she said babyzilla attacked it.  I asked her who is babyzilla.  She told me Xavier is babyzilla and he really likes to eat train tracks.

My Tummy Hurts

Amelia: My tummy hurts
Dad: Why does you tummy hurt?
Amelia: because when candy goes crazy in your tummy it makes your tummy hurt.

Tinkerbell

Michael:  Oh no, the dump truck has kidnapped Tinkerbell
Amelia:  (runs over to the dump truck and becomes Tinkerbell) Help, Help I can't get out
Michael:  Fly out to get away
Amelia:  I can't
Michael:  Yes you can, you have wings you can fly
Amelia:  tearing the wings off of Tinkerbell says I can't fly my wings broke off
Michael: What?  You're wings can't break off.
Amelia:  They did, I can't fly come and help me.

Michael ended up helping Tinkerbell out of the dump truck and did emergency surgery to reattach her wings.

I'm a doll

Amelia has been obsessed with Toy Story 2.  She loves to pretend she is Jesse and Xavier is Woody.  She was pretending to be Jesse when Grammie asked her if she needed to go potty.  Amelia told her "I'm Jesse, I'm a toy we don't pee, we just pretend to pee."